Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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