You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
ttyl tear gas
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
