Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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