when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
