Your dad touched me again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
