We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
