When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
smell my finger.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
