I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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