cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
