Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize