that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
