He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
