glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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