It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
