I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You smell like stripper and shame
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
