He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
