Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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