she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
