Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
