A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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