and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize