Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
