Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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