Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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