Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
