Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
