The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
