all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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