Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?