it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.