i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀