i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.