Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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