Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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