May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
