she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
