im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
