that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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