Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
