Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
