You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
