Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
