I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My bed smells like the plague
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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