I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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