i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
