The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
