I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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