I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
