He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
