You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
