from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize