I think my vagina is haunted
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
