Got a toothbrush?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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