"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
