I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
