Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
