Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
