just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
