I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish you could order shots online.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
