it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
