Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
