I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
