3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
