apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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