Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
