Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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