Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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