Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
