I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
