we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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