Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
